Who did you just compare me to...?

"You're like a Sephiroth with an ailing Cloud in the vicinity. Gotta. Make. Him. Suffer." - Pauline

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is who I am. At least, that's according to the ever awesome (include your choice of adjectives here) lady who shall remain nameless. Oh wait, the name's already there as a source. NEVER MIND!

So I'm still alive. Yeah, I amaze myself too. I didn't think I'd make this long seeing how I have to dodge saw blades and flying pieces of wood launched by tablesaws. Then again, I create my fair share of chaos too. My hands? No, that's not dried blood. At least, I don't think so. If it is, then it certainly isn't mine. Hmm... Maybe I shouldn't have said that out loud.

So I headed back to Montreal this past Thanksgiving weekend. Saturday was spent with family of course. Sunday was monopolized largely by the Cheng family but that's to be expected. Sunday night, however, was the kicker. Poutine @ La Banquise. The one and only. THAT'S HOW A POUTINE IS SUPPOSED TO TASTE LIKE! Le Sigh... I already miss it. Okay, let's make this a rule/tradition/whatever the hell you want to call it: La Banquise at least once whenever I'm in town. I don't care if I have to drag you out of your bed at 3AM and bring you there freezing your ass off in nothing but your skivvies. You're coming with me.

There were far too many people I didn't get a chance to see/talk to when I was in town. Then again, it was a really short visit. Next one around, I promise I'll make some time for you.

Now to hit the sack and dream of the beach.

GERONIMOOOO!!

So I'm slowly recovering from the inevitable beating that was coming my way courtesy of a lady that shall remain nameless. That would be Pauline Huynh @ ... Okay. I'll refrain from giving out the address. As to why she put me in the hospital, that's because I haven't been updating this little space on the web. Brutal taskmaster and slave driver, eh? You must asking yourself how she was able to do that in the first place. Let's just say she busted out her bankai and I didn't stand a chance. I mean, one small part of it involves a freakishly tiny hippo wielding a sword so big and long, it puts Cloud and Sephiroth's respective weapons to shame.

Pauline, will you PLEASE get your mind out of the gutter? You're hopeless, you know that?

So I've been hired at M. Art. What is it? It's an architectural cabinetmaking firm based in Toronto that specializes mostly in commercial business. They dabble in residential as well but most of the business comes from restaurants and offices. Most of the commercial business they do are from scratch, meaning that there's very little renovation going on. Most projects are for new businesses or new branches of existing businesses. Most of these projects also have their own designers and architects so there will be a number of "Uhh... That's not going to work. Just ... no. And is it really supposed to look like _______?" Feel free to fill in the blank.

That's it for now, I suppose. Toodles!

Thank you for calling customer service.

GASP! Tis another update without the 5-month gap in between! Actually, it's because I've been threatened with bodily harm. I was promised and told in great detail about what would be done to me if I didn't make an effort to keep this lovely space on the intarwebs updated on a more semi-regular basis.

So I got the job I mentioned last time. Due to the confidentiality agreement I signed, I can't actually say too much. All I can really say without stepping past that line is that I'm working for MGT (Millennium Global Telecom) as a customer service representative. Long story short, I'm customer service for people who have trouble with calling cards. So if 93 year-old Grandma Olga is having difficulties calling her granddaughter in Uzbekistan, and she calls in to complain about it, I'll be fixing that. Or trying to. Or you know, if people have a vendetta against their calling card and scratch straight through it and can't read the pin properly, then I'm going to have to find out what their pin is.

Other than that, there's not much else going on. Ben, of course, keeps asking if I've met girls my age. He seems to be of the opinion that I'll marry before he does. Heh. I suppose it's always a possibility but given the fact that I haven't actively looked for a relationship for the past ... uh ... how many years now? Yeah. We'll see. haha

So that's it, I think? Well, aside from the fact that my boss and one of my co-worker (trainee, just like me) are really hot, there's not much more to say.

Now can you PLEASE call off Mr. Hippo? [curls into fetal position to rock back & forth to calm himself]

Another update? So quick? Tis a miracle!

Nothing elaborate like the last one. Just a quickie. As for you Pauline, get your mind out of gutter please. I know what weird thoughts suddenly flitted through your mind as you read that one.

I really should stop spoiling all you wonderful people but you're all wonderful for a reason so what's the harm?

So Le Jerm was able to land a job interview. So quick, you say? Why, of course! Due to my [non-existent] connections, I was able to secure an inbound CSR (Customer Service Representative) job for MGT. Interview is today (August 26) at 3 o'clock so remember to pray. For me? Well, sure if you want to but mostly for the company so that they have the good sense to hire someone as awesome as yours truly.

I realize it's only 9:30 but I'll leave you amazing people alone with your thoughts for now. Maybe I'll update later on? DUN DUN DUN!

Oh and here's a parting gift: Darth Vader dancing to "Can't Touch This" by the one and only MC Hammer.

An update? Are you quite sure?

So what's been happening in the wonderfully awesome life of Le Jerm? For one thing, he no longer resides in Montreal. Why? Did he go ahead and make a new city, calling it Awesomeville? No, nothing so amazing. Yet. It's on his list of things to do like eating tasty food, meeting new people, world domination and rescuing cute, fuzzy animals. In fact, he moved to a city its residents like to call Toronto.

But again... Why? He moved because he couldn't stand the sight of you. No, not you. Not you either. He's actually quite fond of you. As for you there, well... He hasn't publicly declared that he doesn't like you so you're safe. For now anyway. Rather, it's because of the obnoxious one in the back there with the haircut that screams "FRUITY!!". Actually, he moved because he was having quite some trouble finding a job. Yes, it actually happens to awesome people. It's the recession so nobody escapes. He's hoping for better luck in job hunting and, if the opportunity presents itself, to become even MORE awesome by taking more courses. You know, something along the lines of welding, people manipulation, plumbing or even auto mechanic. Oh and about the obnoxious one? He wasn't kidding.

Again, why? That's simple, really. If he's going to create Awesomeville from scratch by himself, he's going to need to know some basic skills. And no, he's not hiring henchmen. They have a bad reputation for being complete idiots who can't even hit a target at point blank range with a rocket launcher. That and he doesn't want them stealing his recipes for yummy food. They ARE rather hard to find nowadays.

So what is he doing in the meantime? He's hitting the town on a daily basis to try and understand how its public transit system works. He is quite pleased with there being AC on every aspect of the public transit system. He is, however, quite displeased (read: abhors) the price tag associated with such a travel method. Note: Make public transit free when Operation TO Takeover has been achieved.

He is also quite taken in by how inexpensive the food is. A bowl of soup noodle AND a glass of soy milk for only $4.50? Or perhaps a chicken steak meal complete with rice, deep fried sweet potato, fried egg (still runny, of course), a nice side salad, a soup and a drink for $7.00? And of course, there's the awesome Chinese supermarket dubbed T&T (not to be confused with the explosive compound TNT) with its fully stocked cooked food counter. He managed to nab a dozen giant dumplings for about $3.00. MMM... dumplings...

So will he ever go back to Montreal? Only if you behave. No, not talking to the obnoxious one. He's never coming back for you. He might be inclined to visit from time to time. You know, during a holiday or perhaps when there's a long weekend. He'll think about it. In the meantime, you should all definitely prepare feasts for when he arrives so he can stuff himself.

However, should the need to visit him overwhelm any self-control you have (and it should), then please locate one of these handy-dandy teleportation pads pictured below.

Please keep in mind that there may be some lag due to the system still being in its beta testing stages. Therefore, anybody using them should be patient and stand there like the good friend that are. Le Jerm would quite appreciate the time and effort expended on such a venture.

Now to get some rest. Quick advice before logging off: make sure your hairdresser doesn't talk you into trying out the new "stylish" haircut.

PS: Le Jerm was not present to type this message to you wonderful people (again, excluding the obnoxious one) so his laptop did the work, hence everything being in the 3rd person. And no, Skynet is not becoming a reality nor is it taking over. Skynet's got NOTHING on Le Jerm's laptop.

"A prototypical routine for a perfect baby, age four to six months" - Excerpt from The Perfect Baby Handbook by Dale Hrabi

7:00 a.m. Baby wakes up.

7:01 a.m. Surveys her domain.

7:03 a.m. Notes that Exersaucer is dusty again.

7:04 a. m. Announces this news piercingly.

7:07 a.m. Enjoys day's first feeding; forgets Exersaucer crisis.

7:31 a m. Burps triumphantly.

7:32 a.m. Savours brisk lavender aromatherapy massage.

7:40 a.m. Endures diaper change by flipping through Bon Appétit.

7:45 a. m. Considers toy options.

7:48 a. m. Compresses Squeezy Snake while murmuring what sound like conjugations of the French verb peter (to fart).

7:50 a.m. Is interrupted by Daddy, who's off to work.

7:51 a.m. Cocks head at nautical motif on Dad's tie. Sailboats? Really? In midwinter?

7:52 a.m. Waves goodbye to Dad in adorably "feeble" manner. Throws in crying fit for free.

7:59 a.m. Pulls self together.

8:00 a.m. Indulges Mom's new fascination with the Turtle Tooter Shape Sorter.

8:08 a.m. Finds thoughts drifting to Martin Scorcese's early work.

8:14 a.m. Falls in and out of love with a key chain.

8:20 a.m. Baby Pilates (10 minutes).

8:30 a.m. Poking things (20 minutes).

8:50 a.m. Poking things that turn out to be Mom's eyes.

8:51 a.m. Rolls over.

9:01 a.m. Performs loose interpretation of the Bride's solo dance from Martha Graham's 1944 ballet Appalachian Spring.

9:10 a.m. Silent meditation (One minute).

9:11 a.m. Semi-silent meditation.

9:15 a.m. Meditative shrieking.

9:30 a.m. Second feeding.

10:00 a.m. Nap.

12:30 p.m. Wakes up; coughs discreetly.

12:33 p.m. Diaper change.

12:38 p.m. Declares that new diaper makes her look chunky.

12:40 p.m. Supervises alterations.

12:45 p.m. Third feeding.

1:20 p.m. Visits with dignitaries, heads of state or (on slow days) Mom's friend Rachel.

1:45 p.m. Perfects vacant facial expressions (10 minutes).

1:55 p.m. Sobs (15 minutes).

2:10 p.m. Power nap.

2:12 p.m. Reviews atomic structure of favorite amino acid.

2:27 p.m. Lollygags (Three minutes).

2:30 p.m. Meets with perfume experts re: development of signature scent.

3:00 p.m. Fourth feeding.

3:30 p.m. Nap.

5:20 p.m. Wakes up abruptly.

5:22 p.m. For disorienting moment, thinks she's trapped in the jungle in 'Nam.

5:23 p.m. Oh the filth, the baking sun, the stinking Vietcong with their foul--

5:25 p.m. Diaper change.

5:30 p.m. Fifth feeding.

6 p.m. Grasps concepts.

6:10 p.m. Does other things to concepts.

6:14 p.m. Decides not to be a lesbian. For now.

6:15 p.m. Romps! (8 minutes).

6:23 p.m. Prepares for Daddy's return by adjusting face into mournful expression.

6:25 p.m. Greets Daddy resentfully.

6:26 p.m. Fails to resist pleasure of being tickled by Daddy.

6:30 p.m. Reclaims her dignity.

6:32 p.m. Completes clapping class homework.

6:46 p.m. Drastic mood swings (14 minutes).

7:00 p.m. Sinks into soothing bubble bath.

7:01 p.m. Recalls with dismay the need to actually be washed.

7:03 p.m. Diversionary splashing.

7:30 p.m. Final diaper change.

7:36 p.m. Watches Daddy's lips move as he reads something educational aloud.

7:46 p.m. Interrupts to request Accuweather forecast.

7:50 p.m. Final feeding.

8:12 p.m. Burps national anthem.

8:15 p.m. Says good night to the stickers on nursery window.

8:16 p.m. Waves at parents.

8:20 p m. Effortlessly drifts to sleep.

8:37 p.m. Tormented by dreams of dusty Exersaucer.

8:40 p.m. Wakes up screaming.

8:43 p.m. Though still trembling, manages to execute a few soothing shadow puppets.

8:47 p.m. Drifts to sleep, this time for good; dreams of complex quilting patterns.

Excerpted from The Perfect Baby Handbook: A Guide for Excessively Motivated Parents, by Dale Hrabi.

Floating...

Quite literally floating on Cloud 9 here. Or whatever number that super high cloud up there is.

Updates are for the weak!

No, I did not mean that me updating the blog is weak. I meant that the ones needing updates on me are weak. You should know what's happening without needing me to tell you! C'mon, my awesomeness alone should be enough. *sigh* There's just no pleasing you people, is there?

So what's been keeping Jeremy so busy this past while, you ask? Simple! My nephew! Oh okay, work and school too. So what have I really been doing? Well, in my previous post, I mentioned that The Ever Awesome Pauline (yes, even more awesome than me) designed part of my final project.

I've started working on it. Including tomorrow (Friday), I'll have spent an entire week concentrating on nothing but that design. It's really difficult but for a final project, it's only fitting. Besides, I need to challenge myself. =)

I'll leave you with a few photos showing my progress thus far.

Just one note: it's 34" x 18". Veneers used are cherry (background, shown in the last picture) and walnut (for everything else).